It’s funny how perspective changes everything.
As an entrepreneur, I can tell you that there has been some anxiety. I have cared way too much about what other people think of me, laid in bed thinking of what all we need to do for our business, and wondered if I’m getting in over my head.
But all of those worries fly out the window when you’re fearing for the life of your unborn child.
We recently found out we are pregnant. This will be baby #5, but not really. Really, this little one is baby #8. In 2015, we experienced 3 miscarriages. And even though I have since carried 2 babies to term, it turns out the anxiety doesn’t really go away.
To be honest, I was doing ok until a couple days ago. I actually thought maybe I wouldn’t get so anxious this time around. But then it hit me. My stomach was doing flips, and it wasn’t pregnancy nausea.
My fellow mama’s who have been pregnant after a miscarriage or loss know what I’m talking about: the analyzing every little abdominal feeling, the checking every time you go to the bathroom, the going to the bathroom even when you don’t have to just to check, and the praying for nausea because that means your baby is still there.
Surrender is something that I write about often. I surrender this baby and my body and my very self to God daily. I completely 100% believe that He is holding me and him/her in His hands, and that whatever happens, even if I lose this baby, that all will be well.
But have you ever had the nagging fear that you aren’t doing all that you could to prevent a disaster? This may sound crazy, but my greatest fear is not that something bad will happen to my children, but that something will happen that I somehow could have prevented. I won’t get into the doctor fast enough, or I won’t get on progesterone soon enough, or I’ll forget to take my baby aspirin (to prevent clotting). And then, it’s the fear of the trauma: that moment I see the blood, navigating the ER and sitting through an ultrasound with no heartbeat.
It’s alot. And I am praying every day, throughout my day, for peace and surrender. But I need your help.
And so, dear friends, I humbly ask for your prayers. Please cover our baby and our hearts in prayer!
by Katie